Peeta's Pastry Puns
by PeetasAndHerondales
Summary: Post-Epilogue. Katniss and Peeta get down and dirty at the bakery, along with some jokes and other unexpected surprises. Kind of OOC, but it's all good fun. Sequel: Katniss' Kinky Cravings.
1. Cheese Buns

**Peeta's Pastry Puns**

_**A/N- **Alright, are you guys ready for another** epic** romance comedy? Well, I hope so, because I've been plotting this for quite a while, and I still haven't decided if this will be a one-shot or not…I'll leave that up to you guys. In the meantime…enjoy _

**Rated M for perverted pastry puns XD**

_**Katniss**_

Today, I decided to help Peeta out at the bakery and leave the kids with Haymitch. Bad decision, I know, but they insisted. They call him "Grandpa Haymitch." Ha! As if! Haymitch complains about it sometimes, claiming that he's not that old, (even though he is) but I know he loves it, and besides, how bad could it be? Or so I thought.

When I arrived at the bakery, Peeta was busy placing my favorite cheese buns in the oven. He was bending over, and I decided to sneak in quietly so I could catch him by surprise. He worked so hard, and the bakery was so hot, and I just wanted to help him out by at least cheering him up a little bit.

I smiled. "Nice buns, Peeta." I commented politely.

He jumped, spinning around in surprise. He saw me and grinned. "Why, thank you, I work them out quite a bit." He explained.

I blushed. "I was talking about the cheese buns, Peeta!" I exclaimed bashfully. Why did he have to make everything sound so perverse? I obviously walked in on that one all by myself, but still.

"Oh come on, Katniss, last night you said that I had the firmest, sweetest buns in all of Panem and that you couldn't resist them, remember?" he said teasingly.

"I most certainly do not remember saying such a thing!" I answered in defense.

"Oh that's right…you were talking in your sleep," he mumbled to himself.

"Well, if I was, they were probably not the type of buns you were thinking about," I lied. Now I remember. Curse my sleep-talk. How dare he bring up the things I said in my sleep?

_**Peeta**_

Now I had her. She was lying, I could tell. Katniss couldn't lie even if her life depended on it, and this I knew for a fact.

"Oh, of course, you must have been hungry for my famous cheese buns. Worry not, sweetheart, I have some baking for you in the oven right here," I said pointing at it. "But you know what's even hotter than my cheese buns? My bosco stick." I said proudly.

"Peeta!" Katniss exclaimed, her face bright red.

I love it when she screams my name. "Come here, I'll turn you into a _real_ girl on fire," I said seductively. "You said it yourself: men who ice cakes are sexy," I added, pulling another line that she had said last night.

"Peeta, I'm serious, I came here to help you work, not to do it in the bakery like we did that one time…" she said trailing off, deciding not to go into details about the one and only past time we had made love in the bakery.

"Oh, I remember that night. It was the day I baked Oreos. I told you to come to the dark side because I made cookies, and you instantly gave in. I came up with a new line, though: fire and bread? We're toast!" I said.

Katniss rolled her eyes. "Peeta, you have the worst jokes in all of Panem. Honestly, they're terribly corny. I can't believe you think they're a turn on," she replied.

"Oh, I _know_ they're turn-on…well, for me at least. Deep down, you love them and you know it, and that's why you say all those dirty things in your sleep. Anyways, I'm pretty much done baking here. Bosco stick here is ready to bake in a _real_ oven," I said suggestively.

_**Katniss**_

I couldn't believe it. Could my husband be any hornier? He doesn't even try to hide it….literally. I tried to look away. I knew he was excited, and that he deserved a break after all that hard work (I could see the sweat on his brow) but _last _time I gave in to him in the bakery was the day we conceived our son, Orion, and I didn't want another child. Not that he was an accident or anything; I had already told Peeta that we could have another baby, but I didn't think he'd want to get started on it right away. The same thing happened with our first child, Adara; only she was conceived on the porch…but that's another story. The point is that Peeta only gets this excited when he wants a baby, and I had already said no more; pregnancies were tough on me and he knew it.

"Peeta, if this is your way of convincing me to have another baby, let me just say that you're wasting your time, I already gave you two children and that's enough for me," I said.

Peeta frowned. "Of course that's not it, Katniss. We already agreed that we were done having kids, and I don't want you to suffer anymore." Then he grinned and took something out of his pocket. "See this? It's a new brand of condom called _Baker's Fire_. I think they were thinking of us when they made it. So I figured we could have some fun with it, you know? What do you say we give it a shot?" he asked, winking at me.

Oh, Peeta. I could never say no to him, and he knew it. "Well, if we're using protection, I don't see why not." I said, giving in again.

I didn't have to say so twice. Before I knew it, Peeta had backed me up against the counter and we were kissing passionately as he pressed against me. His hands began to roam my body and I pulled off his sweaty shirt as I caressed his hot skin beneath it. He groaned and my knees buckled, pulling us down on the floor, which was full of flour. I was now on top of him, but he soon flipped us over so that he was above me. I looked at him and laughed. He was covered in flour. He laughed at me as well, and then continued to kiss me.

I love how Peeta makes love to me. He may make awfully corny (and dirty) jokes sometimes, but he's a serious lover. His sweet, gentle touches were even better than his tender kisses. It was all going good and great until he pulled out that condom. I wasn't sure what it did, or why it was called what it was called, but I soon found out.

_**Peeta**_

Well, Katniss definitely loved the new condom. I wasn't kidding when I told her I would turn her on fire. Well, not literally, of course, but pretty close.

"Oh Peeta, put more cheese in it!" she exclaimed.

A _ding _sound went off. The cheese buns were ready. But before I could consider getting up and getting them out of the oven, I heard the door open and footsteps walk in.

Katniss and I looked at each other in horror. Who could it be this late? _Haymitch, _we both mouthed at the same time.

Sure enough, we soon heard his gruff voice say: "You two better not be screwing in the bakery again, I have the kids with me. I decided to bring them back since it's getting late and they're driving me nuts."

I instantly got up and zipped up my pants. My shirt was nowhere to be found. Katniss was trying to put herself back together before the kids went around the counter and noticed. But Haymitch instantly figured out what we had been up to, he wasn't an idiot, after all.

He took one look at us and glared. "You two sicken me," he said drunkenly. "Here I am babysitting your kids, just so you two could play with flour and icing in the bakery? Couldn't you have saved it for later?"

"Mommy, what are you doing?" Adara asked curiously before any of them could respond.

"Uh, just baking, honey," said Katniss as she tried to dust off the flour on her head.

"Why you both covered in flour?" she asked.

"We were baking Oreos," I responded quickly.

At that, Orion instantly perked up and started demanding cookies. I quickly got Oreos out from my emergency batch that I kept for situations such as this. Hopefully he wouldn't start asking questions too. I served him a cup of milk so he could dip his cookies in and gave some to Adara as well. _That should keep them busy, _I thought.

"Daddy, why were you playing with icing?" Adara suddenly asked.

Haymitch laughed. Katniss and I glared at him. "Oh, he was just kidding, honey." Katniss assured her.

Well, that much was true…to an extent. "You know, your mother almost caught on fire," I said casually as I took the cheese buns out of the oven. Katniss gave me the death glare.

"I bet she did," Haymitch smirked.

"What happened? Mommy, are you ok?" Adara asked, bless her innocent little heart. I almost felt bad for bringing it up.

"Oh yes, I put it out, don't worry," I said cheerfully. Katniss looked like she was going to shoot an arrow at me. Good thing she kept her bow in the forest.

"Oh, glad to hear that, are you sure didn't spend too much time in the oven?" Haymitch asked me.

"Yeah, I told Katniss that we were both toast, but she just didn't listen," I said, laughing at my own inside joke.

"Mommy, why are you all covered in cheese?" Adara persisted. Oh, no. How is she going to explain _that _one?

"Uh…it got out of control while we were baking cheese buns," Katniss said quickly.

Well, that much was true. That was partially my fault, though.

"Is that why you're breathing so heavy, Mommy? You and Daddy look all sweaty." Adara observed.

"Umm, yes, we were kneading dough for hours!" Katniss exclaimed as Haymitch held back laughter and I tried to contain my horror. Was it that obvious?

"But Mommy, you suck at kneading dough, you said so yourself," Adara said as she dunked her cookie inside her milk. Somehow, that brought perverted thoughts into my head.

"Suck is what she did," I said before I could stop myself.

Adara giggled, Haymitch laughed, and Katniss looked at me horrified. Oops. Did I say that out loud?

"Oh hey, who wants a cheese bun?" I asked.

"Don't even think about it," Katniss hissed as she walked angrily out of the bakery.

Well, that went well. I would get her later, though, I promised myself. And so I would.

_**A/N- Well that was it! What did you guys think? Please review and let me know if I should continue or leave it as a one-shot! Thanks!**_

_**Peeta**_

(Singing in the shower)

"My buns, my hot and soft buns, my lovely manly lumps…"

"Don't cha wish your breadsticks were as long as mine? Don't cha wish your buns were as hot as mine? Don't cha? "

(Katniss gets in with him)

"Oh, spending all your flour on me, and spending cheese on me…"


	2. Breadsticks

_**A/N- **Hey guys, I'm back! Since I got so many reviews and wonderful encouragements I decided to continue with my naughtiness. I even finished my homework first, for once (otherwise I would have updated earlier). I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving…or break, or whatever. Anyways, let me just clarify that I changed the genre to parody, since this is what it really is. I know Peeta is OOC, but I'm making him naughtier for the sake of our amusement. Enjoy ;)_

_**Ch. 2- Breadsticks**_

_**Katniss**_

I woke up so sore today I could barely walk. I couldn't even get out of bed. Peeta had come back home from the bakery with the kids last night, tucked them into bed, and came back to me hornier than ever. He "made it up to me" in the shower, saying he was sorry about his little slip-up in the bakery. Let's just say I forgave him and leave it that.

"Good morning Sweetheart, I made pancakes for breakfast!" Peeta exclaimed cheerfully as he walked into our room, where I was still struggling to get out of bed.

"Are the kids awake?" I asked.

"Yes, they're already eating, and we're waiting for you at the breakfast table," Peeta said. "How are you feeling? Did you sleep well?" He asked mischievously as he came up to me.

I glared at him. "Sleep? You're kidding me, right? We barely did that, Peeta! I'm so sore I can't even get out of bed, you even left me bruises. All because of you and your oversized…breadstick." I complained, saying "breadstick" for lack of a better term, and because I was afraid to kids would overhear us arguing. They had already heard from us enough last night; no need to damage their chaste ears anymore than we already had.

Peeta chuckled. "_Breadstick_? Really, Katniss? And you say _I'm _corny! Look, I'm sorry I hurt you, I promise I won't ever do it again," he apologized, suddenly looking serious. "I don't know what got into me last night, I guess it had just been so long, you know?" he added as an afterthought.

This was true; I wasn't usually in the mood for such things, and we were always busy doing other things, anyway. Although with Peeta, it seemed that the older he got, the more his libido tended to go up…that and something else, of course. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? He probably didn't know what got into him because he was so busy getting into _me. _"Alright, I forgive you; mostly because you were thoughtful enough to make breakfast, but just try to be sweet next time, okay?" I requested.

Peeta grinned as he helped me get up. "I will, I promise. Remember how shy you were when we were in the first Hunger Games and you didn't want to see me naked? You were so innocent about these things, and look at you now!" he said as we walked towards the kitchen.

"What is _that _supposed to mean?" I asked, offended. Actually, seeing Peeta naked still made me nervous for some reason. And I'd rather not remember the Hunger Games, thank you. That's what my awful nightmares are for. Although, now that I'm walking painfully down the hallway, I think I know why Peeta's nudity made me nervous…he was so big it hurt. Curse his over-excited "bosco stick," I thought.

"Oh, nothing, Sweetheart," he said as he set me down on a chair in front of the table close to the where our kids were sitting.

"Good morning, Momma!" Adara exclaimed cheerfully as she ate her pancakes and Peeta and I settled with down with our plates in front of her. Orion was sitting beside her stuffing his face and making a huge mess.

"Good morning, honey, how'd you sleep? I asked her.

"Orion, please don't put so much food in your mouth, you'll choke," Peeta told him sternly. Orion glared at him but obeyed.

"I slept good, Mommy, but I don't think you did. I heard you screaming last night. Did you have another nightmare?" she asked innocently.

Peeta almost nearly choked on his milk as I tried not to blush. The only reason I didn't have a nightmare last night was precisely because I didn't sleep. "Oh no, honey, I'm okay, really. I don't even remember if I did," I lied.

"Actually, your mother _did _have a nightmare, but don't worry, I made it go away," he explained calmly.

"Daddy, you're so nice. You're always making Momma happy and baking us bread." Adara said fondly. More like making his breadstick happy…while baking it. But I didn't say so out loud.

'That's because I love you all very much," Peeta replied smiling. Great, now I feel bad for thinking that.

Later on that day, I took Adara to her dance class while Peeta went off to run some errands at the bakery, even though today was his day off. When I came back home, I sat Orion in the living room to watch cartoons while I went to sweep the back porch. I was surprised to find Peeta sitting there on the rocker.

"Back so soon?" I asked him as I swept.

He looked at me and smiled. "What, you don't want me around? I'm just sitting here, relaxing," he teased.

"Oh sure, you're relaxing while I'm cleaning up the house even though you left me extremely sore. I can't even go hunting today," I complained.

Peeta frowned and said, "Look, I'm sorry, Katniss. You don't have to clean anything up if you don't want to. Here, I'll do it for you," he said as he got up from his chair.

"Too late, I'm already done," I said as I put the broom away.

He came up close to me as he circled his strong arms around me and backed me up against the wall. "How can I make it up to you?" he whispered in my ear as he began to nibble it.

Okay, maybe I'm not so sore after all. He began to kiss my neck as his hands held me tightly against his body. It seemed like was still excited. I pushed him away.

"No, Peeta. You're much too large, and I'm still trying to recuperate from last night. Let's do something else instead," I suggested.

Peeta pondered that for a moment, and then replied, "You're afraid of my size? I don't know if I should feel honored or offended. Remember the first time we made love in the back porch, when we first got married?" he asked.

"What about it?" I asked suspiciously. Oh, no. I knew where this was going. _That _was the day we conceived Adara…among other things. That was the day I discovered just how huge breadsticks can be. Oh, boy…I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this again.

"Well, we experimented quite a bit that day…why don't we relive that episode a little?" he suggested playfully as he unzipped his pants. Uh-oh. Now I could barely speak…much less say no. I am nervous once again.

"Fine…but only because I don't want you touching me right now, and I don't want you to think I'm afraid of you," I clarified. Somehow, I knew I would regret this experience later on…although that turned out to be an understatement.

_**Peeta**_

My poor Katniss…first I hurt her, now I talk her into getting down on me. What kind of husband am I turning into, anyway? But oh….it felt _so good_. Actually, I was in such a great state of bliss right now I don't even know how to describe it. It was just…ecstatic.

"Oh Katniss, I don't think I can take it anymore," I gasped as I held on to her hair.

Suddenly, I heard the back door open up behind me. I turned around, and to my complete and utter horror, it was my son, Orion.

Katniss instantly pulled away in embarrassment as I tried to zip up my pants.

"MOMMY DON'T FILL UP MOUTH, YOU CHOKE!" he exclaimed. Then, "YOU EAT DADDY'S BREADSTICK?" he looked like he was about to cry, I had never heard him speak so many words at once. I'm a horrible parent. This is my entire fault. Now what are we going to tell him?

"Oh, Sweetie, it's not what it looks like!" Katniss said quickly as she picked him up and he began to sob on her shoulder. She then glared at me and looked at me with disgust. As if she hadn't gone along….okay, I already admitted it was my fault.

"Why…you...hurt…Daddy?" he asked between sobs, looking more perplexed than ever. Oh, and now he was blaming Katniss. This wasn't good.

I came up to him and said, "Look Orion, Mommy wasn't hurting me. She was making me feel _good_ okay? I'm fine. It's something grown-ups do," I explained. Katniss looked at me with horror. Alright, so maybe she wasn't delighted about the fact that I just explained the purpose of blowjobs to our three-year-old son, but what else was I to do?

Katniss frowned at me, her lips in a thin white line, and said, "Peeta we'll discuss this later, but now I need to go pick up Adara from her dance class," she said harshly as she handed Orion to me. "Don't tell him anything else until I'm back, okay?" And off she went.

_**Katniss**_

When Adara and I returned home, Peeta and Haymitch were sitting down in front of Orion in the kitchen with a bowl of pastries in between them. Oh good, Peeta was feeding Orion bread. _That should cheer him up,_ I thought.

I said hello to Haymitch, and he grunted in response as he drank his liquor. I hated it when he drank in front of my children, although I had done worse. I guess I didn't have much room to talk.

"Oh, I want a donut!" exclaimed Adara as she sat down beside Orion and Peeta served her a glass of milk to go with it. I grabbed a bosco stick from the pile and began eating it behind the kids in a very provocative manner so that only Peeta and Haymitch could see. Peeta glared at me while Haymitch gave us a questioning look. This would be his punishment…for now.

"Alright kids, you mother and I have something to tell you," Peeta began. I gave him a panicked look. Surely he wouldn't tell them?

"Mommy eat Daddy's breadstick!" Orion informed Adara and Haymitch. Adara looked confused, while Haymitch began to cackle uncontrollably, nearly choking on his liquor. It seemed like there was going to be a lot of choking today.

"Did she, now?" Haymitch inquired after he had regained his breath. He winked at me. Pervert. I scowled at him, but didn't say anything, if only because my kids were there.

"Well, not exactly," said Peeta as he grabbed a donut and a breadstick from the pile. Oh, no. This couldn't be good.

"See these?" he asked as he held them up so that everybody could see. "Pretend Mommy is the donut and that Daddy is the breadstick," he said.

"Daddy's breadstick's so big!" Orion observed proudly. No kidding.

"Here, use a bosco stick instead," Adara offered him helpfully. Oh, great. If only she knew…but it seemed like she was about to find out. How could I let this happen?

Haymitch could not seem more amused if he tried.

"Um, alright, well, the bosco stick goes inside the donut hole," Peeta explained as he tried to shove the fat bosco stick inside the tiny donut hole. The donut ended up splitting in two. I knew how it felt.

The kids gasped. "You broke Mommy?" Adara asked.

"Mommy's mouth!" Orion added.

Haymitch began to hoot loudly. I gave him the finger, making sure the kids didn't see it. He laughed even harder. Why was he here again?

"Oh no, that wasn't supposed to happen!" Peeta exclaimed agitatedly. "And that's not Mommy's mouth!" he told Orion.

"Then what is it?" asked Adara curiously. "And why does Grandpa Haymitch think it's so funny?"

"Alright, that's enough talk for today!" I said angrily. "Peeta, they're too young for this, they won't understand! Now both of you go to bed, and don't listen to your father!" I told my kids.

"Yes, Mommy," said Adara as she led Orion out of the kitchen with her. "Goodnight everybody," she said politely.

"Goodnight, honey" Peeta and I said at the same time, while Haymitch continued to chuckle.

As soon as they left, I turned to Haymitch and Peeta and hissed, "If you two mention anything about this incident ever again I will shoot you both down with my arrows and I won't have any mercy," I warned. They knew I wasn't kidding.

"I know nothing," Haymitch promised, although he was still trying to regain his composure.

"I'm sorry, Katniss, I thought it would be for the best," Peeta explained.

I glared at him and said, "Well think again, Peeta Mellark," I said coldly, and then left to tuck my kids into bed. This was going to be another long night…and not in a good way.

_**Peeta**_

"Katniss is angry because Orion caught her getting down on me today on the back porch." I told Haymitch.

"_Again_? Last time you guys did that, I caught you in the act. Don't you ever get tired of having sex in public?" Haymitch asked, amused.

"No, not really," I confessed.

Haymitch threw his head back in laughter and replied, "Well it sounds to me like you're not getting laid any time soon." He warned. "If I were you, I would watch my back."

"No kidding…cheers for not getting laid," I said as I clunked my liquor bottle against Haymitch's.

He laughed. "Ditto," he replied. And so we downed our drinks, until we became intoxicated….oh, no. _Now_ what have I gotten myself into?

_**To be Continued…**_


	3. Bread Babies

_**A/N-** Wow, you guys are vicious! Continue or I'll die? Good grief, it's a good thing you guys don't know where I live LOL! I took archery lessons and shooting lessons in high school, you know. Plus, I have a gun, so I'm not completely defenseless haha jkjk! Death threats aside, I decided to continue, since I have all weekend off and I'm enjoying this too much. I also changed the rating to T since it's not all that graphic…yet. Especial thanks to Howlynn, for the suggestions, and whitewave7, for…her encouraging honesty and marriage proposals? Haha, anyways, enjoy _

_**Ch. 3- Bread Babies**_

_**Katniss**_

I made Peeta sleep on the couch last night. He and Haymitch got so drunk, that decided to ignore them for the rest of the night, and forbade Peeta entrance to our room. At least I'm not sore anymore…and I can now take them down swiftly, silently, and efficiently. Yes…that is what I would do. An urgent knock on my bedroom door interrupted my morbid thoughts of revenge.

"Come in," I said.

It was Adara and Orion. They ran up to me in tears and climbed into bed with me. "Daddy had another panic attack!" Adara cried.

'Panic attack' was what we had decided to call his little episodes of…desperate, suicidal agony. He still had those horrible visions sometimes. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry, did he hurt you? You know you two should stay from Daddy when he's feeling…angry." I said, for lack of a better word, and because I really didn't know how to describe it. What was Peeta thinking when he thought it would be acceptable for us to have children? Actually, now that I reflect upon it, Peeta was probably too busy thinking with the brain in between his legs instead of the one on his head. My poor kids now had to put with two mentally-ill, sexually-induced parents who also happened to be former victors of the Hunger Games. Our doctor thought we had post-traumatic stress disorder. I refused to take medication and therapy, though. Only Adara knew about this, but soon Orion would have to know about the Hunger Games as well.

"No, Daddy was downstairs with Grandpa Haymitch, and then they went to the bakery. Daddy looked sick, and they were talking about fire and other weird things!" Adara explained.

I frowned. That didn't sound like a panic attack at all. Rather, it sounded more like he was hung-over and bitter…Peeta and Haymitch were probably plotting against me. I would have to take care of this, and soon.

"Alright honey, well while you and Orion get ready for school, I'll make you some breakfast, okay? And then I'll take you two to school and go see Daddy, to make sure he's alright," I suggested.

Adara and Orion nodded in agreement as they went to get dressed and I headed to the kitchen. As soon as they had finished their breakfast and I had taken them to school, I headed straight to the bakery to take care of this mess. Peeta would have to hear me out.

I decided to walk in through the back door, like I had done so last time. I soon heard Peeta and Haymitch talking, and they were hunched over in front of each other leaning on opposite sides of the counter, Peeta with his back to me. Haymitch didn't see me, and I heard him whisper, "Peeta, if you need help making business go a little faster, I can teach you a little more about my expertise on fire…you know how the alcohol burns when it goes down your throat. We can use it with the oven, if you know what I mean."

"Haymitch, I'm afraid I'll go limp if drink before I go to Katniss," Peeta argued. "There must be other ways to set her on fire…" I heard him murmur.

Something told me they weren't talking about the bakery business. I cleared my throat loudly, and they instantly jumped up and looked at me guiltily. I _knew_ it.

"Shouldn't you two be busy writing your wills instead of thinking of ways to 'set me on fire'?" I inquired threateningly.

Haymitch grinned, and Peeta looked around nervously. "Come to finish us off, Sweetheart?" Peeta joked. "Haymitch was just giving me some advice on how to cheer you up and make your oven burn hotter," he added brazenly.

"Well, this oven is no longer cooking, so you better get used to that, darling," I said caustically. "And besides, I came here so you two could help me make a list: flowers, food, coffee, guests…" I trailed off.

"What sort of list?" Haymitch asked warily.

"Surely that has nothing to do with our wills," added Peeta.

"A list of what I need for your funerals, of course!" I replied cheerfully.

Haymitch laughed, and Peeta shook his head sadly.

"I'll go get my bow and arrows from the forest, and then go hunting for a bit, but when I come back, I will be armed and it will the end of both of you," I said darkly. And off I went.

_**Peeta**_

Later that day, Katniss came back home from hunting in the forest and went to pick the kids up from school. Business was slow today, so I had closed the shop early and was waiting for them at the dinner table; I had made pita pizza, knowing it was the kids' favorite. I was relieved to see that Katniss didn't have her bow and arrows with her… _but she could always retrieve them later_, I reminded myself.

"Daddy, where's Grandpa Haymitch?" Adara asked me as we all sat down to eat. Haymitch had made it a habit of eating dinner with us.

"He'll probably be here soon," I assured her. That is, if he wasn't too drunk and had passed out somewhere or something. Katniss looked displeased; I could tell she was getting tired of having Haymitch hang around with us.

Just then, we heard the door opening behind us as we all turned around to see Haymitch walking, well, more like stumbling, through the front door. "I'm home!" he announced unashamedly.

"Grandpa Haymitch!" the kids shouted in unison.

"How did you two behave today?" Haymitch asked as he sat down beside me.

"Good," said Adara.

"I meant your parents," Haymitch joked.

"Oh, shut up, Haymitch," Katniss said coldly.

"Mommy, where do babies come from?" Adara suddenly asked. I nearly choked on my drink. Where had _that_ come from? Katniss blushed; Haymitch chuckled and shook his head fondly.

"Umm…well…" Katniss began. Her eyes turned to me for help.

"Why, from ovens of course!" I answered confidently. Katniss glared at me. Haymitch looked at me in surprise.

"Wouldn't they burn?" asked Adara.

"Oh no, babies are like bread. You mix the right ingredients, and then you put them in a baby-shaped mold and pop them in the oven for a certain amount of time. Some people like their kids darker though, so they leave them there a little longer, but they certainly don't burn." I explained.

"I want bread babies!" Orion piped up.

"Daddy, can you bake me a little sister?" Adara requested.

Katniss laughed and said; "Sorry kids, Daddy ran out of baby molds, right Peeta?" she turned to me and gave me a look that clearly said: _you better agree or you're dead._

"That's right. I'm sorry, but those things are expensive, and you can only use them once," I added.

"I thought you guys were rich," said Haymitch innocently.

I glared at him. "Not _that _rich," I warned him.

"Daddy can I have a breadstick?" Adara asked me. I looked at her, confused, and then realized she meant an actual breadstick.

"Here you go, honey," I said. "I also have biscuits, and you can put butter on them." I added.

"No, I already ate your bosco stick," she confessed. I looked down at my plate. Sure enough, she had.

Haymitch snickered. "I bet you wish you could butter Katniss' biscuit, since she already had your other bosco stick" he commented suggestively.

Katniss scowled at him and I grinned. "That's right, Sweetheart, I'll butter your biscuit any time you want," I told Katniss, and winked.

"Oh darling, I don't think so. You'll just have to settle for your own buns," she said politely.

"Well, I also have muffins and cupcakes," I said. "I can butter your muffin, or we can make some cupcakes together, or hey, I can put jam and frosting on them. I also have cream cheese, whipped cream… you name it, I have it," I said triumphantly. "Wow, I'm on a roll…hey, I have those too!" I finished.

"I want muffins and cupcakes!" Adara said eagerly.

"Me too!" demanded Orion.

"And I want to roll with your mother, but we can't all have everything, can we?" I said lightheartedly.

Haymitch cackled scandalously and nearly fell out his chair. What a drunk.

"Oh, that's enough, all of you!" Katniss yelled, looking aggravated. "Peeta, Haymitch, you two better shut up or I'll make you! Kids, go to bed; you've had enough bread for today!" she told them.

"Yes, Momma," they both said sadly as they headed to their rooms. Poor kids, my crazy wife always sent them to bed like this. Although, I suppose some of it was my fault.

_**Katniss**_

As soon as I had tucked my kids into bed, I instantly felt guilty for yelling at them, but all of it was Peeta and Haymitch's fault. If they hadn't made those awful comments, I wouldn't be so frustrated. I _had_ to do something about it, and fast.

I headed back into the kitchen and was disappointed to see that it was empty. Well, so much for obtaining my revenge. At least Haymitch was gone. He was so irritating; especially when he was drunk…oh wait.

I then went back into our room and got ready for bed. Peeta was in our bathroom. He came out wearing boxers and suspenders, which I found to be rather odd. Suddenly, I began to hear romantic music.

_Oh no. _I thought. I knew what he was up to. Sure enough, I watched as he stood in front of me as I lay on the bed and began dancing provocatively to the music. I laughed. Surely he couldn't be serious?

"Oh, go knead some bread," I told him.

"The only thing I knead is you," he joked.

"Yeah, well these pastry jokes really knead to stop; they're getting crumby," I replied.

"Show me your cherry pie, Sweetheart," he said as he touched himself.

_Oh boy._

"I'm not showing you anything, and turn off that music, the kids are asleep," I scolded him.

He ignored me and began to take down his suspenders while he made thrusting movements. Is this what he calls dancing? I rolled my eyes and put the covers over my head so I wouldn't have to watch his pathetic attempts to get laid.

I then heard the music stop and noticed that the lights went off. I felt him lay beside me and lean into me and whisper, "my bosco stick was like an orgasm in your mouth yesterday…it was so cheesy."

I turned to him angrily and pushed him away. He then turned the bedside light on to reveal that a bottle of wine, a cheesecake, and a bowl of grapes were laying on the bedside table…which of course he was using as aphrodisiacs. I gave him a questioning look as he served a glass of wine for each of us and give me a piece of cheesecake to go with it. He seemed to be saving the grapes for later.

"Come to the nerd side…we have pi," he said secretively as he handed me my cheesecake.

I rolled my eyes but ate it anyway. Who could resist cheesecake? I did love cheese…but not like that, of course. "I'm not giving you any of my pie, if that's what you mean," I said.

"Actually, I was just going to compliment your delicious muffins, Sweetheart. I see that the curtains are open," he said eyeing me.

I looked at my chest, and sure enough, my nightgown was showing too much. I closed it up self-consciously and glowered at him. "You're not getting any, Peeta." I said brusquely as I took a swig of my wine…wow, this stuff was really good. _Focus, Katniss, _I chastised myself.

"Can you feel the fire in your throat?" he asked sexily. "And the cheesy, creamy scrumptiousness of the cheesecake?" he added in an undertone.

"All I feel is your bosco stick getting too close to me," I rebuked.

"What can I say, it's rising like raisin bread," Peeta joked.

"Well, it's making me uncomfortable. First you're hot, and before I know it, you get wet and make a huge mess like you did last time," I reprimanded as we finished up our cheesecake and wine.

"Yeah, but that last time we made a huge mess together," he pointed out. "What do you say we bake some cupcakes before we go to sleep?" he suggested as he grabbed a grape and popped it halfway into my mouth suggestively.

But before I could respond, he bit the other half of the grape and thrust his tongue into my mouth, and before I knew it, we were kissing fervently. I guess I don't have much self-control after all.

_**Peeta**_

Not to be cocky (no pun intended) or anything, but I somehow knew I would win. I am after all, playful _and_ persistent. When she tried to pull away, I slipped a finger inside her and she instantly gave in. She moaned as we continued to kiss ardently and I went into a rhythm.

However, nothing was better than making moist, delicious cupcakes. As a baker, I knew all the recipes. Hot enough to rise, soft enough to cool, and luscious enough to cream. Those were our cupcakes.

Let's just say the oven was hot and hectic tonight and leave at that. I love baking bread babies. And yes, my bosco stick was happy. Haymitch would be pleased to know that we weren't getting killed after all…or so I thought.

_**To be continued…**_


	4. Shake and Bake

_**A/N- **Hey guys, sorry for the long wait, but I had to study for college finals and such. Fortunately, I decided to update, since you guys have been really great about reviewing! Thanks for reading my crazy story haha! I've changed the rating back to M just to be safe….sorry if I scarred some of you for life XD. As for the rest of you who enjoy being corrupted…get ready for more lemons! That Peeta just keeps getting naughtier and naughtier ;)_

**Chapter 4: Shake and Bake**

_**Katniss**_

Peeta couldn't get enough of me. I think the wine was a bad idea. He was hornier than ever. It was the middle of the night, and both of us were extremely drunk.

"Let's do it again!" Peeta exclaimed in his drunken voice. That was the fifth time he said that. Why won't he go to sleep already?

"Shush Peeta, the kids are asleep! And we already did it four times; I'm tired." I chastised him. But he wasn't even listening. My head hurt. Probably from being banged against the headboard all night.

"I'm sexy and I know it," he began to sing.

"Shut up," I ordered.

"You're sexy and I know it," he continued.

"That's not even a song," I argued.

"I'm sexy and you know it," he was now beginning to dance…or wiggle, I guess.

"Go to sleep, Peeta it's past your bedtime," I groaned as I slapped my palm against on my forehead.

"You're sexy and you know it," he was now pulling me closer.

"Are you done?" I asked annoyed.

"Are we doing it again?" he countered with a devilish grin.

I laughed, despite myself. I blamed it on the alcohol. My husband was crazy. "Fine, but I want to be on top this time; it's my turn." I was in the mood already.

"Yes!" he cried out as he hauled me on top of him and pulled the covers over us.

"Shush, don't yell." I warned him. I didn't want the kids to walk in on us again. I shuddered at the thought.

"Look who's talking, you're the one who was screaming earlier. If they didn't hear us earlier, they won't hear us now," he chuckled.

We laughed softly as we began to make love again. I kissed his hot, soft lips as I ran my fingers ran through his damp, blond curls; his large, masculine hands held on to my bottom as we moved in sync. After we both climaxed, I collapsed on top of him, my dark hair spread out over his firm chest, sticking to it with his sweat as his arms encircled me protectively. Exhausted, we finally began to drift into sleep.

"I love you, Katniss," was the last thing I heard him murmur. He was barely conscious by then, and I would have missed it if I hadn't been half-glued to him.

"I love you too, Peeta," I whispered before I drifted off after him.

_**Peeta**_

The next morning, I woke up to Katniss' lovely singing voice. I opened my eyes and saw her standing in front of the bathroom mirror, wearing nothing but a white towel as she rubbed on her lotion. I grinned as I got out of bed and approached her.

"Care to invite me to your show, Sweetheart?" I asked suggestively.

She looked up in surprise, and to my dismay, stopped singing. "What show?" she asked innocently as she carelessly released her towel, letting it fall on the bathroom floor. I felt my jaw drop. Why did she have to tempt me?

She laughed at me as she headed to her dresser to get her clothes. "Go take a shower, Peeta." She ordered. _Well, at this rate, it will have to be a cold one_, I thought miserably.

Later that morning, I offered to take the kids to school as we were sitting at the breakfast table. "Since it's almost Christmas, how about I bake you two some gingerbread man cookies so you can eat them when you get home from school?" I suggested.

"Yay, ginger man cookies!" Orion agreed happily.

"Gingerbread man," Adara corrected him.

"Ginger man!" Orion persisted angrily.

"All right, don't fight," Katniss told them.

"Have you guys thought about what you want Santa to get you for Christmas?" I asked in attempt to distract them from their argument.

"I want giant cookies!" Orion exclaimed.

"No, Orion, you can't ask Santa for food, he's not a baker! I'm gonna ask him for a baby mold so that Daddy can bake us a baby sister!" Adara informed us matter-of-factly.

Katniss laughed. "Oh no, honey, Santa doesn't bring those! Why don't you kids think of something else you want to get, like a nice coat to keep you warm?"

"Or some new toys!" Peeta added.

"I WANT COOKIES!" Orion was throwing a fit by now.

"Now, don't use that tone, Orion! Daddy will bake you cookies anyway, unless you misbehave again. And besides, Santa doesn't bring gifts to naughty children," Katniss warned him sternly. I could tell she was losing her patience with them.

"But what about me, I want a baby sister!" Adara persisted.

"Mommy doesn't want any more babies, honey," I explained gently. She might as well start accepting that now. Katniss scowled at me. Adara and Orion looked like they were about to cry. _So much for changing the subject,_ I thought.

"Oh, look at the time! I think it's time for Daddy to take you to school," Katniss gave me a look, and I nodded in agreement as I got up and led the kids out the door. This was going to be a long day.

_**Katniss**_

I was finishing up cleaning the table when Peeta walked in through the front door with a determined look on his face. I looked up at him in surprise for the second time today.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" I asked suspiciously. He was supposed to drop off the kids on his way to work, but instead he was here. I wondered if something had gone wrong, or if he had simply forgotten something.

"No, my employees seem to be doing fine without me, so I decided to go later." Then he smiled at me as he approached me, cornering me against table as his arms wrapped loosely around my waist. "Besides, what's the point of being the boss if I can't be late to work so I can spend some quality time with my beautiful wife?" he asked with a grin.

I rolled my eyes. I was _so _not up to this right now. The kids had given me a headache this morning. They all seemed to want a baby except me. I was the mean one, as always. And Peeta was pushing up against me….he bent down and licked my ear. A shiver went down my spine. He _knew _that was my weak spot.

"You owe me for tempting me this morning," he whispered in my ear.

"I owe you nothing, Peeta. I gave you two children already," I retorted as I tried not to give myself into temptation.

"Who said anything about children? We'll figure out what to get the kids for Christmas later. Right now, I just want us to have some fun," he explained seductively.

Oh, Peeta. Why was I always trying to resist him? Oh, that's right, because he always made me mad _just so he could make it up to me later. _I smiled. Although I would never admit it to him, I loved playing this game. He probably already knew, though.

"Fine, but make it quick," I responded before I changed my mind. I didn't need to say so twice. He picked me up and lay me on top of the table as he knelt above me. I had just cleaned this table. And this is where we eat! Maybe it wasn't such a good idea….suddenly, I heard the _clank _of wood banging against wood.

"Peeta, your leg…" I began.

"Is not as hard as my…"

"Peeta!" I chastised him. 

"What? Don't worry about it," he said as his hands began pulling down my pants. "If you were bread, I would knead you on the table," he teased.

"I _am _on the table," I pointed out as I unbuttoned his jeans.

"Exactly, I need you like I knead bread." He continued to joke. What was it with him and his corny pastry jokes, anyway?

I finally got to releasing him from his jeans, and I slid them down along with the waistband of his boxers. Oh, boy. Peeta was excited…he obviously couldn't contain it much longer. I gasped as he finally entered me and I dug my nails unto his back and then bit his shoulder so that I could steady myself. He groaned and my mouth slid up to meet his as his hands fondled my breasts over my shirt. I felt my back being pressed hard against the table as he practically hammered me to it. Now I know how bread feels.

Suddenly, I began to hear the _clanking_ sound again, and I couldn't help but laugh. Peeta let go of me and gave me a questioning look.

"What's so funny?" he asked, confused.

"Didn't you hear that?" I asked, amused.

He blushed in embarrassment and said, "Sorry, I didn't think my leg would do that. Maybe I should go to work now," he mumbled as he got up off the table and pulled his jeans back up.

"Wait, no, Peeta, you don't have to leave yet!" I apologized, suddenly feeling guilty about making fun of him. He was disabled, after all. I got up after him as he headed towards the door while pulling myself back together.

But he simply turned around and responded, "Don't worry, Sweetheart, we'll finish it up later," he smiled and gave me a peck on the lips as he headed out the door. I sighed. He really _had _made it quick.

_**Peeta**_

I limped out the door, cursing my leg the whole way to work. _What a turn-off, _I thought angrily. Here I was trying to be seductive like Haymitch had told me, and what happens? I bang around like a puppet. What does a man have to do to please his wife? It wasn't Katniss' fault, of course. The whole table thing turned out to be a bad idea. Heck, listening to Haymitch was a bad idea. What had I been thinking?

When I arrived at the bakery, I walked in through the back door as everyone said hello to me. I waved back and smiled, although they could see that I wasn't in a great mood, so they left me alone. I then began baking those gingerbread cookies I had promised my children. The work kept my mind busy, and soon enough, I was laughing and joking around with my employees as I decorated the cookies with frosting. I drew different outfits and personalities for each gingerbread man for extra creativity. The kids would love it. Satisfied with my work, I put some on display and left some at the bakery, placing the rest in a paper bag to take home to Adara and Orion. I then called it a day and told my employees to close the shop when they were finished.

When I got home, Katniss was having a struggle with the kids. I heard Orion crying and Adara arguing. This couldn't be good.

As I walked in, I heard Adara's voice say: "…and he was shoving it in my face, Mommy! I told him it was nasty! And then I saw him pee on the Christmas tree!"

"What's going on here?" I demanded as I shut the door behind me.

Katniss looked up at me exasperated. "Your son has been misbehaving, that's what. He says they told him at school that babies were made with his uh…breadstick, and he tried to get his sister to help him. And then he watered the Christmas tree with his urine," she said disapprovingly as Orion broke into hiccupping sobs. I noticed he wasn't wearing any pants…or underpants, for that matter.

I sighed and knelt down in front of him, the bag of cookies still in my hands. I handed it to Katniss and she took it to the kitchen, Adara trailing solemnly behind her. "What's going on, buddy? Why are you acting this way? I brought you some cookies and now you can't eat them because your mother is mad at you." I told him gently as he rubbed his small, chubby fists against his tearful gray eyes. Katniss came back into the living room, and she wordlessly handed me the rest of his clothes as I began to dress him.

"I-I w-wanna b-bread baby!" he sobbed in protest.

"And who told you they were made that way? I told you they were made in the oven, remember?" I reminded him. Katniss frowned at me.

"Y-yeah, b-but I-I w-wanna b-be like you, Daddy!" he exclaimed as I finished dressing him.

At that moment, I suddenly understood it and it all came together. Katniss was looking at me with contempt. Orion was crying his eyes out. This was about the time he caught us on the back porch. And he'd tried to make his sister…oh, no. What had I done?

"Why did you pee on the Christmas tree, Orion?" was all I could ask him.

"I-it's m-magic." He explained as his nose began to run. I took out a handkerchief and made him blow his nose before asking him the next question.

"What's magic, Orion?" I asked him curiously.

"M-my b-breadstick m-makes b-babies g-grow," he answered. I thought about that for a minute. It sounded to me like whoever had told him about how babies were made knew way too much, yet way too little.

"So you wanted to make a baby grow out of the tree?" I asked him gently.

He nodded, his blond curls bouncing, and added, "'D-dara d-didn't w-wanna h-help l-like M-mommy."

Katniss glared at me, her gray eyes turning to me with pure venom. "He kept touching things with it and insisted on baking a baby for his sister. You see what you do, Peeta?" she said angrily.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger before responding. I guess I could only expand the lie, but in a truthful way. "Look, buddy, you can't bake babies until you're a big man like me and have a bosco stick instead of a breadstick, okay? You're not old enough, and neither is your sister. So you need to keep your breadstick to yourself," I finished.

Katniss gaped at me with disbelief. "All right, that's enough, I think you need a time-out," she said as she picked Orion up and led him up to our bedroom.

"Katniss, I don't think Orion needs a time-out," I argued as I sat down on our bed.

"That's right; my baby doesn't know any better. _You're_ the one who needs a time-out, not him, because you've corrupted his poor innocent mind. So just sit here and think about what you did," She scolded me. "Orion, darling, how about we go eat some of Daddy's cookies?" she suggested cheerfully as she turned to him. Orion brightened up instantly.

"Cookies!" he cheered.

"Wait a minute…" I protested.

Katniss scowled at me and said, "Bad Daddy," right before opening the door so that she could head out with Orion in her arms.

"Bad Daddy!" Orion repeated as he stuck his little tongue out at me before Katniss closed the door behind them. I instantly stood up and tried to open it, but it was locked. I was stuck. My own son had betrayed me and my wife had grounded me. This day could _not _get any worse.

_**Katniss**_

I locked the door to our bedroom and left the key in the lock to make sure that he couldn't get out. There, that should teach him. I then descended down the stairs with Orion and headed to the dining room, where Adara was already dipping a gingerbread man inside a cup of milk. I sat Orion down beside her and served him a cup too. I then heard the door opening, and looked up to see that it was Haymitch. He walked in as if he owned the place.

"Is it dinner time, yet?" he asked as he sat on the table with us.

"No, we're just having a snack," I informed him.

"Do you want some gingerbread man cookies, Gramps? Daddy made them." Adara offered.

"No, that's okay, Dara. I have my flask here as a snack," he said, waving it around as he took a drink. I rolled my eyes at him. "Where's the Muffin Man?" he asked me.

"Daddy's Muffin Man?" Orion asked astonishingly as his eyes widened in awe.

"Duh, who else would it be?" Adara responded. "Daddy's the best baker ever!"

"Well, he's grounded right now," I told Haymitch as we heard him pounding on the door upstairs.

"Let me out!" we heard him yell.

Haymitch and I burst out laughing. We were so cruel. "Haymitch, can you go take the kids to the park so I can deal with Peeta before dinner?" I requested.

He seemed to ponder that for a minute, but then agreed to do it as long as I promised to "get him good." Oh, I would. Peeta would have to behave, and he would learn to do it once and for all…but first things first.

I headed to the laundry room to throw in a wash before I headed outside to retrieve my bow and arrows. I didn't want to come back and forget about it later. As I was just about to close the lid, however, I felt something press up against my back. I instantly froze. I knew what that something was; I felt it poke me every damn morning…but how did he get out so quickly?

"Planning to finish me off, Sweetheart?" Peeta whispered behind my ear as I dropped the lid of the washer and it began to vibrate in front of me. Peeta cornered me up against it as he pressed himself even harder against my back. Feeling uncomfortable, I pushed him back a little so that I could twist myself to face him.

"Actually, I was just washing your underwear, Peeta. That's part of being your wife too, you know," I reproached. He seemed to be in dire need of clean underwear lately. 

"Yes, but things are different now than they were the first time you washed my underpants, Sweetheart. And if you just let me get away with things more often, such as walking around naked when we're alone, then you wouldn't have to do so much laundry." He then grinned at me, and before I could respond, he grabbed my legs and wrapped them up around his waist while he hoisted me on top of the vibrating washer. I shuddered. I didn't know washers had other purposes, too.

"Oh, Peeta…" I moaned as he released himself inside me and began thrusting me.

"I told you we would finish up our earlier encounter," he answered against my lips.

I grabbed his neck in response and pressed his face to closer to mine as I shoved my tongue down his throat. He squeezed my hips with one hand as his fingers gnarled themselves in my hair with the other. I moaned in pleasure as my hands trailed down to explore the rest of his body. He was so _hard…_

Suddenly, I heard the doorbell ringing. And just like that, my orgasm was gone. Peeta instantly released me as I put myself back together to answer the door, figuring that it must be Haymitch coming back with the kids. Stupid Haymitch had such bad timing.

I opened the door and saw a young man smile at me, his green eyes looking oddly familiar. Then I looked behind me and there stood Annie Cresta. This was Finnick…the second.

_**A/N- **Wow, what a long chapter! I hope you guys enjoyed it, though! I'll explain everything in the next chapter, I promise! Please review and let me know how you guys felt about this little episode ;)_


	5. Shaker Lemon Pie

_**A/N-**_ _I'm really sorry guys, but I think this will be the last chapter. It was originally meant to be a one-shot, and I thought that if I continued it, I would write about ten chapters, but I just don't see the point in prolonging this any longer. People have been taking this too seriously, and I'm truly sorry if I offended anybody at any point in this story. I can assure you that my only intentions were to write something fun. Also, I don't want anybody to think I encourage any of this kind of behavior; I was trying to prove that it was ridiculously wrong, I mean we all realize it's OOC and gross, right? Not very many people would slip out of their comfort zones to write this, but I did. I'm usually famous for making people feel uncomfortable, but that's because I say things nobody else would: I say what's on my mind. I'm not perfect, but I'm certainly not afraid to be honest, and being honest can be very immodest sometimes. This last chapter will actually contain some drama. With that said, are you guys ready for another chapter? Good. Because, ready or not, here Peeta comes XD_

**Chapter 5: Shaker Lemon Pie**

_**Katniss**_

"Finnick, Annie, how great to see you! Come in!" I said after I got over my astonishment. I hadn't seen them in two decades. I was more than shocked; I was perplexed, but happy to see them nonetheless.

"Thanks, you must be Katniss, right? I'm Finn; my mother says she's a friend of yours." Finnick's son (replica?) said warily. Annie smiled at me and held on to her son's arm as they both stepped inside the house.

"Yes, that's me, nice to meet you, Finn. I haven't seen you since you were a baby!" I said in awe as I shook his hand and gave Annie a hug. He looked so much like his father it was practically unnerving. "How are you, Annie? What brings you guys here?" I asked intrigued as Peeta walked into the living room to see who our visitors were. As soon as he saw them, he stopped in his tracks and his blue eyes began to flash at the sight of Finnick's son. Oh, no. He was being affected by the tracker jacker venom from when he had been hijacked. He hardly ever had these panic attacks anymore.

"Finnick…I thought you were dead….the war…" he began shaking uncontrollably as the memories began to overtake him.

Before Annie or Finn could respond, I ran to over to Peeta and clutched his wrists in attempt to make him stay still as I forced him to look at me. "Peeta, listen to me. This is Finnick's son, Finn. The war was over long ago. Come back to me," I said as firmly as I could, but I ended up half-pleading, half-whispering, the last sentence.

Peeta squeezed his eyes shut and bit his bottom lip hard as he attempted to repossess his concentration. When he opened his eyes again, he was back to normal. I exhaled in relief and released his wrists as he looked around in confusion.

"Weren't we in the laundry room?" was the first thing that came out of his mouth. I blushed briefly, but then quickly regained my composure as I turned to face our alarmed guests.

"Does this happen often?" Finn asked curiously.

"No, it doesn't," Peeta and I responded at the same time.

"Forgive me, where are my manners? It's nice to see you Annie, and uh…Finn, right?" he asked as they shook hands.

Annie smiled calmly and responded, "Yes, that's his nickname. It's nice to see you two as well. I still remember that beautiful wedding cake you made, Peeta." She said dreamily. She was obviously remembering her wedding with Finnick. I felt bad for Annie; she was worse off than me.

"Oh yes, my mother's told me about that quite often. She says you're the best baker in all of Panem. Haymitch called and asked us to visit District Twelve for the annual Christmas party; but I see that he didn't tell you guys about it," Finn explained apologetically.

Just then, Haymitch walked in with the kids trailing behind him as we heard him grumbling about how they'd misbehaved. "I told you to keep your pants on, Orion!" he scolded him. Orion began to cry and, as Haymitch looked up in exasperation, he saw everyone standing in front of him, staring.

"Oh, I see you guys made it here early! Great to see you, Annie and Finn! Gale and his family should be here soon. You may also want to call your mother, Katniss. It's your turn to host the annual Christmas party!" Haymitch informed me cheerfully.

Peeta and I gaped at him in disbelief. Why hadn't anyone told us about this earlier? And who said I wanted to see Gale? I hadn't seen that bastard in years and I wanted to keep it that way. He never came to apologize to me, never even tried to contact me, and now he was coming over for a _party?_ I couldn't believe this.

_**Peeta**_

What in the world was going on? Katniss and I were equally shocked at Haymitch's announcement, but I soon recovered. "Well, I guess this is something we could discuss over dinner. I made Shaker Lemon Pie for dessert," I offered politely.

"Oh yes, and I made squirrel stew for dinner." Katniss added quickly as she led everyone to the dinner table.

"Daddy, who are those people?" Adara whispered curiously as she tugged at the end of my shirt. Orion looked equally disoriented, but at least he had stopped crying. I was going to have to ask Haymitch about that later.

I turned to Annie and Finn as we everyone sat down and introduced them to the kids. Annie smiled at them kindly and commented on how adorable they were, while Finn gave them friendly high-fives. Adara instantly understood who they were, since Katniss and I had already told her about the Hunger Games, and she studied them with interest. Orion complained that he wanted chicken nuggets instead as Katniss served him a bowl of stew. 

"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit," I told him sternly. Squirrel stew was actually my favorite; it reminded me of my father. Not only that, but it was nice to think that I had married the woman who hunted the squirrels my dad loved so much; he always complimented how good she was. He was the only one who always knew that I was in love with her, and who always understood.

"Peeta, will you please go get the cheese buns?" Katniss asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Of course," I replied as I went into the kitchen to retrieve them and set them down at dinner table.

"All right, I guess I should explain what's going on," Haymitch announced.

"Yeah, thanks for telling us, Haymitch," Katniss said sarcastically. I wasn't too happy with him either. And don't even get me started on the fact that he invited Gale.

"Well, like I said before, it's your family's turn to hold the annual Christmas party, since I held it last year. Therefore, I took the liberty to invite some surprise guests and they all agreed to come. I know you're not friends with Gale anymore, but I've kept in touch with him and he wants to make up with you, Katniss. Your mother hasn't been here since Orion was born, and she agreed to come and asked me to tell you to call her," Haymitch explained calmly.

Everyone stared at him blankly as we tried take in what he was saying. Haymitch was being kind and considerate, in his own way. That was unusual, but I believed it. If Gale was truly determined to make it up to Katniss, than I was fine with that as long as she was. I turned to Katniss to see what she made of this.

Katniss frowned. "I don't know if I want to see Gale again," she admitted.

Just then, we heard a knock at the door. Haymitch turned to us and grinned. "That must be them," he said.

_**Katniss**_

I instantly stood up to answer the door, Peeta walking along beside me. As soon as I opened the door, I saw him. Gale. He looked older, more muscular, and more mature with his graying beard and hair.

"Hey, Catnip," he said simply. I had the sudden to urge to slap him, but then I noticed that there were people standing behind him, and I recognized one of them.

"Johanna?" I asked, unsure.

"Who else would it be, Brainless?" she answered caustically. Well, she hadn't changed much.

"You two married?" Peeta asked, surprised.

"Yeah, we did," replied Gale, still looking at me. I avoided his gaze as I let them in. I noticed they had three kids, a thin young woman with dark hair that was about Finn's age, a young boy that looked identical to his father and was about Adara's age, and a younger, dark-haired girl that was about Orion's age. Well, this was interesting.

"How are you doing, man?" Peeta asked Gale as everyone else greeted him and his family.

"These are our kids, Jayne, Hunter, and Tara," Johanna told us as we had them sit down at the dinner table with us.

"Your Christmas tree smells weird," Hunter told Adara.

"My brother peed on it," she replied, glaring at Orion, who began to cry again.

"Dara!" I scolded her, embarrassed. I had totally forgotten about that.

"I guess we'll have to change the Christmas tree," Peeta said lightly as everyone else chuckled.

_**Peeta**_

We eventually had all the stories straightened out and soon, it was time for dessert. Since Katniss had served dinner, I stood up and went to retrieve the pie. Katniss was getting comfortable with Gale again, and I could tell that they would regain their friendship. Good thing I'd baked two pies, since there were twelve of us now, and we barely fit on the table.

"Here's the Shaker Lemon Pie," I announced brightly as I brought it to the table.

"Oh, what's in it?" Jayne asked curiously.

"Meyer lemons," I replied. "The pie filling tastes like jam and lemon curd, with faintly bitter pieces of lemon peel mixed in with sugar."

"I've never heard of this type of pie before," Annie commented as I cut one into slices.

"It's an old family recipe," I explained. "Most people prefer meringue pie."

"Probably because this one has such a perverted name," Gale joked. Katniss glared at him.

"That's probably why Peeta baked it in the first place," Haymitch winked at Katniss. I shook my head and served everyone a slice. I noticed Finn was flirting with Jayne about it.

"Seriously Peeta, what are you trying to say? Shake your lemon pie?" Johanna added grinning.

"What's that mean, Mommy?" Tara asked her curiously.

"Oh nothing, Tara, we're just kidding," Johanna assured her quickly. Katniss gave me a knowing look. I smirked.

"Well, I didn't come up with the name, so I have no idea what you are all inferring," I said innocently.

_**Katniss**_

The pie was luscious, but I couldn't help thinking that Peeta had something dirty in mind when he'd decided to bake it. Soon, dinner was over and as Johanna, Jayne, and Annie helped me clean everything up, the men went to change the Christmas tree while the kids helped them decorate the new one. Peeta was hanging mistletoes in every corner of the house. I rolled my eyes. As if he needed an excuse to kiss me.

Before I knew it, he'd begun playing corny Christmas songs. "All I want for Christmas is you!" I heard him sing off-key. I laughed.

"I'm sorry, but you're on the naughty list," I told him as we all laughed at the devastated look on his face. Finn then decided to change the music and put on a horrible rap song, and Peeta went and followed him.

"I love it when you call me big Pop-pa. Throw your hands in the air, if you's a true playa!" I heard the music coming from the living room, and I went in to investigate, something I soon regretted. I was absolutely horrified.

Peeta, Gale, Finn, Haymitch, Hunter, and even Orion were dancing to that awful song…by thrusting their hips. Adara and Tara were giving them strange looks, and I glared at the males as Jayne, Johanna, and Annie began to scold them.

"Cause I see some ladies tonight that should be havin' my baby, bay-bey," they sang.

"Finn, turn off that dreadful music; I told you it wasn't appropriate for the children!" Annie yelled at him.

"Hunter, I told you not to dance like your father!" Johanna exclaimed.

"Dad, you're embarrassing me!" Jayne added.

"Peeta, what did I say about corrupting Orion? You too, Haymitch! You have no shame," I scolded them as I turned off the music.

"What did you do that for?" Peeta asked as he pouted at me.

Determined to ignore him, I scowled at him and walked over to the laundry room to put the clothes in the dryer. Orion followed me, and I let him help me.

"Here put this in there," I told Orion as I handed him some clothes to toss into the dryer. He tossed them in, but then suddenly changed his mind and took a red towel and pair of Peeta's underwear and ran off with it.

"Orion, what are you doing with that, come back here, I just washed it!" I yelled after him as I followed him into the living room. Everyone laughed as they watched him wearing Peeta's briefs over his clothes and the towel around his neck.

"I'm Superman!" he said as he ran around the room while spinning around in circles.

"Orion, take that off!" I scolded him.

"Are those your tighty whities, man?" Gale asked Peeta with a smirk.

"Shut up, Hawthorne," Peeta groaned. He then grabbed Orion and took the damp clothing away from him and handed them to me.

I took them and finished putting everything in dryer. When I came back into the living room, everyone was sitting there discussing the Christmas party tomorrow. Tomorrow! I couldn't believe it would be so soon. Haymitch said he already had everything under control. Well, I hoped so, because this was too stressful for me.

"Katniss, your mother is on the phone, she wants to talk to you," Peeta told me as he handed me the phone. Of course, I was supposed to call her, but I had completely forgotten about it. I went into the bedroom so I could talk to her in private. Peeta followed me curiously as we sat down on the bed.

"Hello? Mom?" I said as I put the phone on my ear,

"Katniss, I was just calling to tell you that I'll be arriving in a few hours," she responded.

"Oh, that's great; do you need us to pick you up at the train station?" I asked. Peeta raised an eyebrow at me. _Of course she does._

"Yes, I'll probably be there in two hours. How are you? I can't wait to see my grandchildren," she said enthusiastically. Peeta got bored and started to tickle me. I tried not to laugh and pushed him away.

"We're fine, thanks, how are you? I'm sure the kids will be happy to see you too. The only grandparent they have here is Haymitch, and he informed us at the last minute that we were hosting a party. You wouldn't believe who he invited." I told her.

She then asked me about it, and I told her everything. By then Peeta was kissing my abdomen and I was trying really hard to concentrate as he tickled me. But I couldn't help it; I eventually burst out laughing as I tried to regain my breath and then apologized to my mother.

"Peeta, leave me alone!" I reproached playfully.

"Hello, Mother-in-Law!" he yelled near the phone.

My mom laughed and told me she had to hang up, so I told her I would see her later and hanged up. I then glared at Peeta for misbehaving. He was worse than Orion sometimes.

"Sorry," he said unapologetically. "What did she say?" he asked.

"She'll be here in two hours, so we have to be ready." I replied.

"Sounds good," he said cheerfully. He then pushed me down on the bed and continued to tickle me. Oh, he had no shame.

_**Peeta**_

Two hours later, Katniss and I were waiting for Mrs. Everdeen at the train station; we had left Haymitch to attend our guests. As soon as we saw her get off the train, we went up to her and greeted her. She gave Katniss a big hug and told her how much she'd missed her. Katniss was so delighted she nearly cried. She then turned to me and gave me a hug too, telling me she was happy to see me again.

"Don't think I don't know," she warned me in a softer voice. I blushed. I guess that meant I was in trouble. Yikes.

When we arrived back at the house, everyone was getting ready for bed, since it was getting late. They all greeted Mrs. Everdeen, and she was surprised when she saw Gale and his family. Katniss had already told her, but I suppose she had to see it to believe it.

"Gale and his family agreed to stay over at my place, since you guys already have a full house," Haymitch told us. The look of relief on Katniss' face must have matched my own. We didn't know where we were going to put so many people.

As soon as everyone said their goodnights, Haymitch and the Hawthornes finally left and we had everyone arranged into rooms. Mrs. Everdeen would sleep with Adara in her room, Orion would share his room with Finn, and Annie would have the guest bedroom all to herself.

And, of course, Katniss and I would get to keep our room to ourselves. This was perfect because no matter what my Mother-in-Law had said, she wasn't going to ruin my plans. And yes, they involved a certain pastry. Let's just say I had an extra pie up my sleeve.

_**Katniss**_

Peeta was up to something; I could just tell by the way he had been looking at me. I was laying on our bed getting ready to sleep, when all of a sudden, I heard the bathroom door open and I looked up to see him wearing nothing but his apron.

_Oh, boy,_ I thought. _Not again._

I then turned my head away from him and noticed that there was a Shaker Lemon Pie sitting on our bedside table. Of course…Peeta was anything but innocent.

"What are you up to Peeta?" I asked suspiciously as I saw him get out his rolling pin and grin at me. This was worse than I thought. Suddenly, I recalled keeping another bow and quiver in the closet just in case, and I instantly got up to retrieve them. If he wanted to play, then it was only fair that I had my weapons as well.

Peeta frowned. "Hey, wait a minute, I wasn't going to play rough!" he complained. "In fact, I only wanted to give you a massage," he admitted.

I blushed. And here I thought we were going to do some sort of foreplay. "So we're not playing war?" I asked, somewhat disappointed.

"Tell you what, we'll play war, and whoever wins receives a massage while being fed 'shake your lemon pie,'" he winked.

I grinned. "Deal, but we have to play quietly so that nobody hears us," I pointed out.

He agreed, and we circled each other carefully until he was close enough to the wall that I could pin him down. Before he had time to react, I loaded my bow and shot the edge of his apron, so that he was pinned to wall. That was easy.

"Hey, that's not fair!" he protested. "You caught me off guard!"

"All's fair in love and war, so I win," I responded triumphantly.

"Come here and release me then, my Queen," he said provocatively.

I rolled my eyes. He was so kinky. I went up to him and removed the arrow from the wall. I guess he would have to fix that later. It's not like we played this game often anyway…okay, so he was always fixing the walls. I put my hunting equipment away and went back to lie on the bed. "I guess you owe me a massage," I said openly.

Peeta pretended to look defeated, but I knew better. He probably lost on purpose. He then joined me and removed my clothes patiently. He was taking his time. "Lay on your stomach," he ordered.

So I did, and I watched as he took out the materials from the drawer in his bedside table. He had honey, some scented candles, and his rolling pin. I shivered, and he gently pulled the sheets up to my waist. All I knew was that Peeta gave the best massages. Perhaps it was be a baker thing. He then proceeded to light the candles and turn off the lights.

He began by taking the bottle of honey and pouring it on my back, drawing a line that began on my hips and ended in between my shoulder blades. He then continued by stroking my hips as his hands moved up and out in a heart-shaped pattern throughout my entire back. Soon he started cupping my flesh on the sides of my rib cage, then rubbing my shoulders and until I felt his fingertips walking up and down my spine rapidly. After that, he began to pat my back while I felt him glue and unglue his palms. He would rake his fingertips over my skin, and then kneaded it leisurely and passionately. He used the rolling pin to run it over gently over the muscles on my legs and back just like he did whenever he kneaded dough. Finally, he covered my back with a towel as he pressed it to my sticky skin.

"Peeta, that was amazing," I said sleepily. I was so relaxed, that was best massage I had received in ages.

"It's not over yet, Sweetheart," he whispered in my ear.

I smiled and turned over so that I was now lying on my back, and I pulled off his apron so that we were both completely naked. He grinned back suggestively and then bent down to kiss me passionately as we rolled around on our bed. It was probably going to be sticky with the honey now…along with other lubricants.

We ended up feeding the pie to each other. Peeta got a little too creative with it, though. Soon I understood why it was called Shaker Lemon Pie….in Peeta's view, anyway. The filling reminded me of…well, _that's _kind of obvious. By the time he finished off by licking his fingers, I wasn't sure _what_ he was licking anymore.

_**Peeta**_

We kept our promise to stay quiet until I accidently bumped Katniss' head against the headboard so hard that she passed out. I instantly began to panic; surely everyone in the house had heard that? And, more importantly, had I given her a concussion? I would never forgive myself if I had.

"Katniss, are you okay?" I whispered worriedly as I studied her closely. She looked fine to me. Maybe she had just fallen asleep. After all, she was still breathing. Or maybe she would get back her consciousness later. This wouldn't be the first time she passed out while we were in bed. Katniss was a tough cookie, a stud muffin. Surely she would make it. Feeling guilty yet extremely tired from the day's events, I finally fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up to Katniss glaring down at me. I flushed, "I'm really sorry," I said honestly. "I was trying to kiss you, but I was in the middle of something else, and..." I trailed off, embarrassed.

To my surprise, she burst out laughing. "It's okay, Peeta! I just wanted to see how you would react," she admitted between breaths.

"Oh, so you're not really mad?" I asked incredulously. Well, this was new. I was sure she'd get me with her arrows again.

She smiled knowingly. "Oh, Peeta, I can't be mad at you after that wonderful massage you gave me last night. Who would be? Besides, my mother probably heard something, and she'll be enough punishment for you, I'm sure." She chuckled. I shuddered. Mrs. Everdeen scared me.

Sure enough, later on that day she approached me while we were preparing for the Christmas party. The guests would be here any moment. I wondered what she had to say.

"Peeta, I already spoke with Katniss, but I have the feeling you have more to do with this than her. Adara told me last night that she hears Katniss scream at night because of her nightmares. I asked her to describe those screams, and what she described to me didn't make me think of frightened screams," she said carefully. "Now, I know you try to keep quiet, but I did hear the headboard last night, as I'm sure everyone else did. I checked Katniss' head today, and she almost had a concussion," she finished sternly.

I gulped. "I'm really sorry, Mrs. Everdeen, I realize that's not good for the kids…or my wife, for that matter." I said lamely. "I'll try to control myself better from now on."

"Well, tell that to my daughter. As for the kids, I was thinking about taking them with me for a few weeks so that I could bond with them and so that you and Katniss can spend time together without them interrupting you," she said curtly.

I was taken aback by this proposal. Take away the kids? They weren't a burden to us! Quite the opposite, actually, I felt they were too young to be separated from us for such a long time. "Look Mrs. Everdeen, I know I haven't been an exceptional father lately, but I don't think we're ready for this, and I'm sure Katniss would agree."

She nodded. "I understand, Peeta. Katniss said the same thing; she's such a nervous mother; she admitted that being separated from her children would make her anxiety worse. But let this be a warning to both of you," she said ominously. Double yikes.

_**Katniss**_

It was finally time for the party, and I still couldn't believe what my mother had proposed me. She was crazy. She had to be, she didn't even have time to take care of children. She never even took care of me and Prim. I instantly regretted that thought.

Just then, Haymitch approached me with a bottle of wine. "You ready to party hearty?" he asked drunkenly. Oh, great, he was drunk already. But then again, when wasn't he? Before I could reply to him with a snide remark, however, the doorbell rang and I instantly went to open the door. I straightened my bright red dress as I allowed everyone in.

We had invited Delly, Gale and his family (obviously), everyone from the Seam, and pretty much all of District Twelve. They were all delighted to see Gale again. Peeta took every chance he could to corner me up against every wall with mistletoe above it. Gale, not to be overdone, did the same with Johanna, but more exuberantly than Peeta and I. I rolled my eyes. Men.

"Is it too late to be on the nice list?" Peeta asked me after a couple of hours had passed and everyone was half- drunk and dancing to loud upbeat music in the living room.

"Not at all," I replied. "Why? Do you want to unwrap me now or later?" I teased.

He grinned deviously. Just then, we heard giggles coming from the linen closet. Peeta and I looked at each other, and decided to investigate. I opened the door to see Finn and Jayne making out heavily in it. They jumped in surprise. There was mistletoe in the closet as well. I glared at Peeta.

"I didn't put it there, Finn did," he said defensively.

The young couple stumbled out in embarrassment. I looked around. No one else had seen them, and Peeta and I promised not to tell as long as they behaved for the rest of the evening. Only we, the hosts, were allowed to do that.

At the end of the night, after everyone was gone, and we all promised to keep in touch, Peeta went to the bakery to finish baking Orion's giant gingerbread man. When he came back, we worked on Adara's present. She was going to get more than just toys and a baby mold for Christmas.

_**The End.**_

_**A/N-**_ _Yup, that's all. Twelve pages worth of drama and insanity. Gosh, I know I'm crazy, but that's beside the point. I know this chapter was very different from the others, but that's just how it turned out! Anyways, I hope you guys liked it, even if it was ridiculously long. I have other stories to write, but this one is complete. Luckily, there's a sequel…Katniss' Kinky Cravings. You're welcome;)_


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